Christmas 2013

I'm sitting here trying to figure out a good place to start.... this is the first year I'm not going to add our Christmas letter with our card, so I am glad you were able to stop and take a peak.

 It's funny how life fluctuates, activity levels, motivation levels, health and wellness. I've always thought Christmas would be less stressful if it occurred in a warmer month.

We spend July to October rushing from work to daycare to home to football and back, Brodie's team practised three times a week with 1 weekend game. It's a lot of time and energy for all of us. Korben loves it and is always happy to come along.

Brodie received an awarded this year, it is given to one player on the team that demonstrates a love and and a passion for the game. Coach Jeremy praised Brodie all year for being flexible and willing to play any position the team needed. During an out of town game the team was struggling with the heat and injuries and some of the kids didn't want to play. Coach said Brodie told us "He didn't drive 2 hours to go home at half time"! 
Its amazing what a year can do, Brodie struggled last year trying new positions and he took a lost game as a tragedy. His team won 1 game this year and he never complained, he came off the field smiling and happy to go back the next day for more.

What a difference a good leader makes to a team....
What a difference a good teacher makes to learning...
What a difference when people truly care, and take the time to listen to each other

When I became a parent I did not realise how many people would touch our lives. I didn't know how much faith and trust I would need. I thought the hardest part was building and birthing them....that was a walk in the park. 

September Korben will start school, he will be 5 at the end of October!  He is so excited for Christmas this year. He is really hoping Santa brings him a walking dinosaur we saw at Target. He was dreaming last night and talking about that dinosaur. He asks throughout the day for hugs and uppies, and I take it all in. He loves his bedtime stories and sharing an apple with me. Meadow waits close by for whatever is left....who knew dogs would enjoy apple cores.

This will be our 6th Christmas in the house in the country, we moved December 1, 2008. Brodie just said he has been here for more than 1/2 his life and this is the only place Korben has known as home.
Would we do it all over again.............Will we stay here forever? Its hard to say.....but for now we will play in the snow, stomp through the bush, watch the wild life with wonder, and let it all sink in deep inside and fill us with peace.

May you find your adventure and peace in 2014

                                     love kristen, jason, brodie, korben & meadow

                                                            xo xo

If you made it this far we would love for you to add your name below.....think of it as your gift to us, thanks

                                               kristen heather

Before the clocks fall back............

Before we go to sleep tonight, we will move all the clocks back an hour; but before we do lets look at a time well spent over the last few months:

A time to win with the help of a friend

A time to ride

A time to be glad we forgot..... and had to come back

A time to be big

A time to be free

A time to watch

A time to show

A time to remember

A time to play

                                                            A time to stop

              A time to work as a team

A time for two

A time to catch

A time to let go

            A time to cheer

A time to cool off

A time to hang out

A time to carry

A time to create

A time to rest

A time to remember a promise that is true

A time for my old friend

A time together

A time apart

A time for thanksgiving,

A time to celebrate

kristen heather

Korben Jason

Four years ago today, Korben entered our world, faster than I hoped for, but not faster than Daddy was able to drive us to the hospital. Labor occurred so quickly the nurse had to ask me "Honey what is your name"? 
My mom arrived just in time to see him enter the world and was able to cut the cord just as she did for Brodie. (Jason was happy to pass the honors on).

I wish I could put into words the connection I felt during this experience with Jason, but it's beyond any words that come to mind.
I will be always grateful for the connection that little baby has given us. Jason is our protector, he is strong, smart and logical to a fault. What better traits to pass on to his name sake.

Korben loves outside adventures, dancing with mama, water, anything that flies, drives, or travels by rail. Books, dragons. Cheese burgers, french fries & pizza pops, ring pops and anything made with chocolate.
Football, friends, Grandmas, Grandpas and Uncle Shayne.

Brodie is his best friend, his hero, and guardian angle xo
and I am the Mama, the best name I have ever been called.


Take a look at how our little man has grown this year:

Happy New Year 2013

Summer Vacation

Fall Fun

If Brodie can do it so can I

My snuggle buddy

Brothers

Perfect and Beautiful

                                                    kristen heather

Normal responses to abnormal situations

This post was never published from April 2013:

The end of April marked 1/2 a year since the first car accident, with the boys. It took almost 6 months to feel the emotional fog lift. If I tried to describe it, I felt like I was wrapped in tight plastic, with little space to move, and no way out.
I had wished I could go back to the way it was before. My doctor said that is a common thing she hears but in reality life was not completely perfect before October.

I still don't understand why there was such a huge emotional impact from this experience, we all walked away from the car.... Professionals keep saying its trauma and it takes time. There are so many people who have shared past experiences of car accidents, from years and years ago but the memory of the fear seems to be very clear in their minds.

There have been positives that have come from seeing a doctor every two weeks, medical issues that were never diagnosed are now are being treated. 
I'm also learning to think about "thinking" and let go of the "should of" "could of" mindsets.
My sensory systems are better, I watch tv again, can read more than a paragraph of a book.
I no longer need meds to sleep.
My mind has slowed down and I can process one thing at a time..most days. I still avoid tasks I don't enjoy but maybe that is procrastination or a little self care.

I'm still experience pain and staying in the same position for long periods of time is difficult. 

I'm ok with answering the question " How are you?"
I started to say yes to activities I was avoiding.
I also started to say no to treatment that I didn't feel supported me as a whole, (doing that  for myself was a turning point)

My anxiety is better, my heart still drops at car accidents, emergency vehicles, black tire marks on the highway, but I know all stories don't have bad endings.
God has proven that as one door closes another one opens, just trust him.
                          xo kristen heather

10 months later....

I was at the doctor this week, I had to smile as I walked out after being told I don't need to return for 3 months! My full time return to work will start in September.

With a little push from my bestie I started to see an athletic therapist who practices Osteopathy: 

"A strong focus of the Canadian College of Osteopathy is its emphasis on Clinical Methodology."

"Through extensive training and experience the Osteopathic Manual Practitioner understands that the site of the patient's complaints may not correspond to the site of the cause, or causes, of these complaints. In addition, many people have had multiple overlapping injuries and conditions. In response to these common conditions, the Osteopathic Manual Practitioner assesses and treats the whole patient. The Osteopathic Manual Practitioner considers the whole patient, recognizing that each has mental and emotional conditions as well as physical." 

Although one of the stranger experiences I have had in my 41 years I am seeing results after a total of 6 motor vehicle accidents since 2000. 

I have also learned to accept that life keeps going with the good the bad and the ugly....my original wish to just go back to how it was before, I can now see all the life lessons I would of missed, on top of all the gains I've made medically and emotionally. 

When I first returned to work there was a push for me to complete some mandatory training that all levels of government take.... I pushed it off stating there was no way I could sit for a whole day, I took the training last week which included an afternoon focused on trauma.... Which screams to me some people really don't get it, the push to take the course in January was based on a to do list, with no consideration of the trauma I just went through. Car accidents are one of the main factors listed. (On my return I had to explain that my accident had impacted me on more than a physical level..... when placed in a situation where my children could of died, I was still healing on many levels). 

The acute episodic trauma list also included the death or serious illness of a parent, my dad goes for surgery tomorrow for basel carcinoma. ( People wonder how my boys stay so pale in the summer I dip them in sunscreen). 

My moms Alzheimer's is progressing quickly. My heart broke when she refused to come with my brother to Brodie's football game last week because she was waiting for her mother to pick her up...my grandma been gone for more than 15 years.

So during my training when I read " perceive responses to trauma as normal responses to abnormal situations I got it. 

I'm thankful that I can stand stronger today despite the fact that life does keep going even when we want it to slow down or stop. Buckle your seat belt, put on your sunscreen, trust God and the people you have chosen to walk this journey with.

                    kristen heather

Born to Believe

I have been trying to make sense of recent events in my life, that have been challenging.

On Wednesday I was tending to my garden and listening  Born to believe, by GBS

"We are the difference between the present and the past

We are the distance between the first and last.
My life will be unlimited and full shall be my past.
I am ready, I am willing, and I’m able for the task.
I was born to believe
I was born to belie-e-eve
We are one; we are strong;
We can sing a different song;
Let the right shine through the wrong
We’re all here where we belong"

I feel these lyrics hit may points of the foundation of who I am.

People matter, from a young age I stood up for what I felt to be true and fair. No one told me to I needed to.

  

As an adult I've been called an advocate, compassionate, and intense.  

I did ask for clarification on the the last one here is the kind response "i 

didn't mean "intense" in a negative way ... like: a. Deeply felt; profound: intense emotion.

b. Tending to feel deeply: an intense writer. ( yes I did  cut and paste that out of a message!).

That is me, and I do feel deeply which is a challenging way to live in a world that doesn't come with bumper pads.

 One voice can make a difference! 

As an adult I have learned that my voice can be a whisper of encouragement, or  laughter of pure joy, a prayer or a lullaby all can demonstrate my belief in you. The voice that projects a positive message to you has just as much of an impact, me.

But there are times when I can see a need not being met or a lack of understanding that has become a risk or a threat and I will not walk away or pretend I didn't see, because I do believe  there is a reason God has crossed our paths.

"We're all here where we belong"

                                                                               

                           
                                                             "And we can sing a different song" 

                                          kristen heather

What you have given me

Growing up my mom did it all, she was a mother, a wife, a professional.
Weekends I remember music playing and she cleaned and washed clothes. Sundays she ironed and made Sunday dinner that included a dessert.

I don't remember her looking overwhelmed or worrying about a mile long to do list. The house was always tidy.
As I got older if I wanted my clothes washed they needed to find their way to the laundry room. Later she taught me how to use the machines. If I wanted the over priced jeans she gave me the amount she was willing to spend and I came up with the difference.
She packed my lunch with care and creativity. Birthdays were always a big deal and she would always have you pick the menu since it was your day.

My first year of University costs were split in 1/2 and after that I saved 1/2 of every pay cheque to pay for every year that followed.
For a number of years she was also my employer, if I called in sick I better be dying and she was hard core with my staff evaluations.
When I told her I wanted to change my major in university and stay in child care she sat me down in her office and gave me all the pros and cons so I could make an informed decision.

In January 2003 I miscarried my 1st pregnancy at 12 weeks. Jay and I hadn't planned the baby but we were both heart broken. After that everything in me changed and all I wanted was another chance. At the hospital they said go home and try again.

Mother's Day that year I told my mom how all I wanted was to have a child as we walked around a greenhouse. Jay and I were not married, and my mom is pretty conservative so when she said well have a baby I was shocked.

Brodie was born 9 months later.

My mom was with us during both of the boys births and Jay let her cut the cord both times.

My mom came over and helped me bath Brodie for the first time. When my mom looked after Brodie she also cleaned which was such an amazing gift. She also dropped off groceries during my mat leave.

My mom doesn't cook anymore, she couldn't remember how to brew coffee the last time I dropped by. I often cannot follow parts our phone conversations because words are jumbled and content doesn't flow. I struggle with calling and visiting because it breaks my heart. I have so much guilt because I said I would do more and I don't know how too without falling to pieces, afterwards.

My Dad and brother don't blame me, we are all struggling, including my mom who knows she is loosing herself, day by day.

The reality is none of us saw Alzheimer's coming.

I am truly grateful for the strength my dad and Shayne are providing, during a time that I don't know how.

I can take all the life lessons she has given me and pay it forward to my sons.

Happy Mother's Day Mama
Xo kristen heather