Who art thou?

Have you ever sat still long enough to ask the question...motionless from the "to do list" "should of, could of, would of list?
I find this a challenging place to be, my mind seems to run faster than my legs have ever taken me (and if you grew up with me you would know I am pretty dam fast on my feet).

After our car accident at the end of October there has been lots of questions from within, from others, officially and unofficially.
I can retell it a 100 times but unless you where buckled in to our Toyota that morning the impact is hard to verbalize and has taken time to process physically and emotionally. 

I will share a little of it, things you may or may not know......the impact of what "could of" happened hit me eight hours later when I was carrying Korben from the rental car into the house, he was half asleep nuzzled into my neck...."oh my God I could of killed you"  Truly I knew within seconds that I needed to reword that phrase but I felt it. 
Autopac told me " I don't  care what you say I've heard it all, you were the only driver its a 100% your fault "  Weather conditions, crappy highways have no place in this story. 
The Toyota rep said based on the report the car "should of" been destroyed.

I had no memory where on the highway the accident occurred , I thought it was closer to our street, until Jay told me. When I asked how he knew he said you can see it, the tire marks on the opposite side of the highway, through the gravel......the pole, Brodie and I both thought we were going to hit.  
So based on the distance we were from our street, and that fact  I felt no resistance of ice on the highway we would of been travelling at 100 km.

We spun twice around completely and then I saw a white light as we missed the pole.  Yikes! White Light....but it didn't feel like that it was more like a sign that we were not alone..and I remember thinking this is going to really hurt, this is going to be really bad as we flew off the road into the ditch, and it was as if the car was just placed down gently. God was truly there, catching us as we fell. 

I stopped at the side of the highway a few weeks after and just looked at the pole, at the tire marks, at the ditch; that was no longer filled with water, it was completely empty, no cushion for a car full of small precious gifts. I thanked God for protecting us, I thanked God for the stranger that turned back on his travels to work, stopped and helped after a dozen cars passed us by. He put on his boots and pulled my boys out, and drove us home.
Why did I revisit the spot...we pass it 2-4 times daily, its the only route to the life we have beyond our home. I needed to process it in my mind so, my heart can let it go and just hold on to the gratitude for all that has come from this experience.

I had the chance to talk to the stranger a few days ago and thank him, all I knew was he worked at the building store in town, I had no name.....I thought he owned a black car, but told me its white....its amazing how the simple details of a car or the location of where it took place is not apart of my memory. My heart has done its best let go of the fear to focus on the reality of where we stand today.

I would like to thank all of my friends, family and strangers that have held our hands and pulled us out of that ditch.

                                   kristen heather  

Friday Favs # 3

I am over the moon with the our new pictures, Candice from Old Country Road Photography took them; a wonderful women with tons of patience...I thought for sure we would only get good ones of Brodie since Korben was very unwilling to sit still for more than a few seconds....but I was wrong take a look

He is so beautiful

The reason I like this one SO much is Brodie really resembles me and in this one I see Jay's eyes and it just melted my heart

My boys

What more can you ask for two children who love each other, find comfort in each other and protect one another, they are both true gifts that I will never stop saying thank you for.

Oh and on a less sappy note......Brodie asked me the other day if I have a sense of humour...(which if you know me, you can only imagine how guilty I felt hearing that)....then I realized he is 8 and this one is kind of funny

Korben was so done...and that  is ok because he is 2

   kristen heather

Link up @

Finding Joy

Friday Favorite.....on Saturday

Well I might be a day late but I am happy to see the weekend 
Here is my list of favorite things for this week:
We have a house guest, Lizzy , a leopard gecko, Brodie is caring for her over the summer. A big thank you to our friends Wendy and Owen for trusting us, we are all enjoying her

Brodie said it was so nice to have something of your own to care for, he melts my heart

One of my "wants" is to set up the deck as an outside escape...its not there yet but I do love sitting in this chair to read or just close my eyes 

I set up a budget

Vaz-Oxlade method...our jars are electronic



My Mom and I use to share an over sized cozy sweater, that just felt like a hug when you put it on, my Mom labeled it the "sick sweater" she gave it to me at some point after moving out.....it has seen its last days but its funny... I now have this grey over sized sweater which Korben loves to use as a blanket, 

and if I am wearing it he will crawl up on my lap and crawl inside.

Friday Favorite Things at finding joy

kristen heather's friday favorites # 1

Through exploring the blog world I have noticed different versions of gratitude lists, I wanted to try and create a link to the blog at finding joy I have never created a link so I hope I can figure it out. If not google the blog, it's worth the effort.

Here is my list of Friday favs:

My two year old sharing nature, even when Mr.Naughty is sneaking a treat he always takes an extra for his big brother.

My 8 years olds love of nature

Coffee (need I say more)

Process art! Korben made this beautiful rock at day care this week

A summer full of days off that = downtime, activity time, mini projects, bucket lists and energy to work on the to do list.....balance, no rushing, no rush hour driving

       kristen heather

Bring The Magic into Your Life...

Sounds good to me... "No matter who you are, no matter where you are, no matter what your current circumstances, the magic of gratitude will change your life" (R.Byrne: the MAGIC).
Its been a gong show of a morning, so it might be time to focus on what is good and beutiful in the world around me.
Brodie and I end each day with prayers, I have changed it from my childhood one "if I should die before I wake"  to "thank you Lord for my day, thank you for________ We take turns listing things off people or events from our day. Sometimes my prayers are altered or left unsaid, because its just a can of worms I don't want to open. I realize that doesn't mean I should over look them, but find time to myself to explore, think and pray about my own day, Brodie and I are intentional with our gratitude because we have found a place it fits into our day.
Don't get me wrong I often have moments that I just whisper thank you thank you, when I'm caught in a moment... usually watching the boys, but I'm committing to being more intentional for a little of my own magic... here are a few things on my list:

Beauty of nature in our own backyard

My 3 guys

Beach days

My sweet Meadow

My Parents

What are you grateful for:

kristen heather

Can You Tell Me The Reason Why.....

I am awake at 5:00 am on a Saturday...really I I've been up for over an hour, Brodie woke because he was melting under the blankets he buried himself in last night.When I returned to bed my mind started spinning with the events of the week, like a giant snowball growing bigger and bigger with every thought. I have 4 amazing friends plus myself that have major individual or family struggles going on.Good people, sweet families, hard working, law abiding people, with a crappy hand being dealt to them, medically, emotionally, financially and it's hard not to ask why??
Like a lot of the questions out there I don't know ( and my rote response being a mama of an 8 year old "let's Google it" doesn't seem to fit").

Here is what I do believe and know for myself to be true:

•  It is a blessing to have trusted friends, to share with, cry with and problem solve with.
• It is a blessing to have trust and be trusted. 
• Let yourself feel it. That's part of processing it, stuffing it down is going to make it bigger and BIGGER.
• We need an escape every so often, physically and emotionally.
• God doesn't make bad things happen, but he will lighten the load if you open your heart and let it go, even if its just for five minutes release it.
• Practise gratitude each day, in all of this make a list, mentally or physically, what is good, what is working, what brought you joy today.                                    

 kristen heather

Gratitude Gifts

We just celebrated Week of the Early Childhood Educator and this is what I put together. Candy Jars!

When Brodie was born I worked in the field and we ventured to day care together each morning. I cried every day for the first week. I had chosen to return early, Brodie was 9 months old, this allowed me to stay with him and helped financially to balance things out.
With Korben I took the whole year I had changed careers so returning was a separation. I had the security of knowing his provider but he didn't, so it was a big step for him. Leaving him felt like a giant leap for me.
Korben is now in a centre closer to home, which gives him about 10 extra hours a week to play rather than being locked in a car seat. I didn't have the prior relationship with this centre and it's been a slow dance to learn, one step at a time, off we go.

P.S. a few weeks later I made a mini jar for birthday gift to hold a toys r us
gift card