Get Low and Look Up

Do you ever get reoccurring messages in your life? I do... lately it has been look up. I seen a few IG post to look up and notice another perspective. I tried it while I was out with the dogs this week.

I enjoy being alone without voices and chatter  and requests. Nature is one of the places I slow down. My engine runs faster than I would of designed it too.  I am easily distracted or I fall down rabbit holes of over focusing. 

The ground is uneven in the far back, I walk slow to stay upright, I also walk slow so my eyes can take in everything that is going on out there.

When I looked up all I could see was blinding grey sky, my first emotion was disappointment. Then something told me to get lower and look up. Then my view caught the trees standing strong together like an army.

The west part of our property  has birch and willow. The birch trees do not always withstand high winds. Someone explained to me the fallen trees nurture and enrich the soil for more trees to grow. Even in death comes life. (Thank you Jesus!)

You don't remove the dead trees you let it break down and seep back into the ground to help the army grow stronger to withstand the next storm.  We are all part of the cycle, each of us at a different place in life and death and growth.

We are living in strange times with covid19, have you had time to get low and look up? Have you  found a system, that lets things die to produce something rich and strong or something different you need in this new climate? 

What are you feeding your mind, your body and soul? 

Are you getting what you need to fight a little bit longer? 

Better yet do you know what you need so you can do this a little while longer?

   
 kristen heather

Second Child

October 30, 2018

Korben is our second child, he was born after we moved to the second place we called home.

Korben's best friend is Charlie Brown, our second pet we shared together.

With a second child I  knew a little more than I did with the first.

I realized labor was going to suck but they said it would be faster than the 1st.... ( by 16 hours, thank you Jesus)

With the second child  I knew I wasn't going to break him but my 1st child might, if he tried to explore all the parts we told him were fragile.

Because you don't take picture of your 5 year old trying to figure out a newborns neck by rocking him

The second child was put to bed awake or as close as possible in a milk comma. I was not repeating the same sleep mistakes that occurred the 1st time around. Korben woke every night, Brodie slept through the night at a month old...go figure.

The second child played with toys, the first born never even knew about as a preschooler. 

The second child spent less time in child care and more time shooting Nerf guns and eating whatever the first born thought to feed him during summer break.

The second child went to football practices before he could walk. The second child played on a football team before his 7th birthday.

The second child, was the last baby to rock, the last to learn to walk, the last to start school and learn to ride a bike.

The second child believes in Santa and the Easter bunny, he believes Daddy is all powerful and that Mama can fix anything scary with just a hug.

My second child was born before Grandma's illness and has no memory of her babysitting, or making root beer floats, and going to the park.

My second child walked towards me and took my hand the last time he seen me stand by Grandma's bed and cry. 





The second child is loved and spoiled 

The second child is protected by the power a big brother brings onto the  playground.

The second child has taught me how to sit at the other side of the table my professional life has placed me. I am now the parent fighting to give a voice to a child that learns differently. A child with an amazing imagination and an ability to problem solve when he couldn't read the words on the page.

My second child has made me stronger and wiser than I ever knew I could be.

My second child is truly powerful, amazing and beautiful.

Happy 9th birthday
Korben Jason

Xo Mama

       
                                                kristenheather

Today we said goodbye

Life lessons my mama taught me

• Use your manners
• Say goodnight and goodbye
• Zip up your coat...regardless of your age
• Feed people, then feed them some more
• Plant something from seed and watch it grow
• The word sorry is meaningless if it comes without change
• Celebrate birthdays and Christmas, Easter & the last day of school
• Your mother is your mother no matter how old you are.....Shayne zip up your coat
• Be kind to people, be kind to animals, bumble bees don't belong in jars
• Say your prayers
• Work hard, what you do matters
• You cant always be your kids best friend, but you can stand beside them as they make their decision 
• Loving someone will not change their behavior but it will change yours
• Family is a gift, children are the jewels 
• Addiction is a disease of the brain: it is preventable and treatable
• Save your money, learn to budget but most importantly remember you cant work for nothing....treat yourself once in awhile
•  No one ever has the right to physically hurt you
• Marriage IS for better or for worse in sickness and in health, true partners take turns being strong, being brave, being true to the reality of where their journey has taken them and it is worth it 
• The most valuable lesson my mama taught me is people do their best with what they know and where they are in that moment. My dad reinforced this when he knew I couldn't watch my moms decline and told me to focus on my boys. The last 4 years have shown me you don't need to be face to face to love someone,  She is in my memories, she is in every meal I make, every lunch I pack, she is in my garden, she is in my heart, she is my mom. 

                                                      kristen heather

Thankful For:

They say its your birthday......

A year in the life of a 42 year old.....I wrote this post in January on my 43rd birthday but never posted it. My last published post was over a year ago. In the last year I have had 3 different positions a Child Development Counsellor (9yrs), EIA case coordinator (7 months) and now an Autism Early Intervention Specialist (6 months). My baby started school and my oldest started getting girls contact information written on his arm....We said goodbye to Meadow; and hello to a naughty dog named Charlie. We have watched my mom's awareness of this world decline and celebrated the first Christmas dinner without her. God only gives us one day at a time and some days I feel beyond overwhelmed and honestly alone, other days I focus on what is good what is real, what is true....

Here is my January post and a few updates added in..... 

I sometimes wonder how life became so different than I planned....or how I thought it would be. 42 was a little bit of a bumpy road, I think that might be why i stopped writing. Some life event are out of my control and I have not figured out how to process all of them....

Some highlights from year 42 as a mama of 2 boys:

My baby joined his first team sport

Brodie tried out for the school play and was a pirate

We met sponge bob and patrick

we went to valley fair

family summer vacation = yummy food

A friend taught me how to make jam...i'm grateful since i never asked my mom to show me. Something about this made me so happy.

 I left my position as a Child Development Counsellor after 9 years, there was food, friends, and gifts
but no cake

 I was truly blessed to work with an amazing team for so long, and it's what I miss the most. It is easy to take for-granted how lucky you are to work with friends.  Learning a new program has been a huge challenge but emotionally it has kicked my ass. I will never take team work for granted again. I will never dismiss the impact of stress. Taking the position in EIA lead me to the Autism position, I was not looking at posting, I was loosing my mind and someone who knew some of what was going on send me the posting. 

A even harder obstacle as been processing my moms decline, she moved into a nursing home the week before Easter 2014. We were told it was better not to take her out right away so there was no Easter dinner. We celebrated her birthday April 25 at the  nursing home which was odd and uncomfortable. I have come to accept that Korben will never have a relationship with her. This has hurt Brodie deeply because  he has so many memories of my mom. I told him that I agree it is very sad but at least he doesn't feel the loss. When we visit its stressful and Korben gets scared, Brodie is usually in tears when we leave. No one is forced to go but its a battled internally you want  to see her but each time her condition is worse. Three days before Christmas she stopped swallowing solids, and the nurse suggested not taking her out for Christmas dinner.
I'm not sure if there is a easier way of coping with dementia

We visited the zoo with Grandpa Peter, this was a first for just the 4
of us to hang out

I got reading glasses and a phone with a bigger screen....I must be aging 

There was football, friendship and mud

MVP 2014

1st day of Grade 5

1st day of kindergarten

We celebrated a 5th birthday

We explored life (poor Brodie learned about it in detail this year)

We sadly experienced death. 

Life keeps going with the good and the bad. We celebrate, we cry, we keep going.

kristen heather

Maybe......

Maybe you have experienced something that hurts so much that it puts a dark cloud over all that is good and joyful in your life. 

Maybe you wake in the morning and you have a moment when reality has not yet clicked in and you feel normal, and then it hits you like a mac truck. 

Maybe you mourn, maybe you get angry, maybe you cried some more. 

Maybe you pray, maybe you let someone else in to carry the burden just for awhile. 

Maybe it's you

Maybe it's someone you love

Maybe it's cancer

Maybe it's an addiction

Maybe it's old age

Maybe it's heartbreak 

Maybe it's an opinion

Maybe it true

Maybe it's not





Maybe you will never get over it, maybe you will....

Maybe what comes from it is part of God's plan

Maybe you find a way to feel useful in the situation

Maybe you gather information, make an action plan and feel more in control of the situation.
Maybe you begin to move forward, seeing a different path for your journey. 

Maybe you make sense of it,

Maybe you become stronger from it

Maybe you find strength in a person who needs you as much as you need them

Maybe you will believe me when I say:

You are smart 

You are strong

You are beautiful

And Korben would add:You are powerful 

You are never alone

                                  kristen heather xo

 (Drafted Feb 2014, now seemed like a perfect time to post)

Happy 10th birthday Brodie James

Ten Years! 10 years! TEN YEARS OLD......how can this be? 

Brodie has had an amazing year take a look:

Someday this boy is going to melt hearts

Brodie the great explorer.

He asked me today if he will be successful when he grows up....
I told he will be what he wants to be with hard work 

2013 Halloween

Someday soon being silly in public might be harder to do

Read our Christmas letter to learn more about this one

Grade 3 completed. We are very proud of his accomplishments

I believe parents are the practice run to how we form our future relationships.
 The dynamics between father and son are so different than mama & son.
I love watching them together.

(Just a side note Brodie wore these pants today and they are too short)

First Concert Great Big Sea March 17/13

Being a big brother might be good practice for becoming a father/uncle or maybe a dog trainer someday.
I laugh so hard listening to the two of them...

Brodie is 10, he is amazing in so many different ways. He is caring, and thoughtful. He asks more questions than there are answers. He notices things that other kids his age miss.
He loves family celebrations.
He has started guitar lessons, he does archery with Dad. He loves to play video games, shooting a bb gun. He loves his quality time with mama, and accepts the rare occasion I'm not here at bedtime.
Girls have been invited to his birthday for the last 2 years. He loves learning about God, science, history. (He watches the history channel or sponge bob before school).

 He likes to know the plan for any given day. He still loves lizards, frogs and snakes. He calls himself a country boy and never wants to move away from his friends.

He is my amazing gift that I am so thankful for. 

I will love you forever and for always Brodie, you make me so proud!

Happy Birthday 

                                   
                                                           
                                                          kristen heather
                                                                         

                                               xo xo xo xo xo xo xo xo xo xo