What you have given me

Growing up my mom did it all, she was a mother, a wife, a professional.
Weekends I remember music playing and she cleaned and washed clothes. Sundays she ironed and made Sunday dinner that included a dessert.

I don't remember her looking overwhelmed or worrying about a mile long to do list. The house was always tidy.
As I got older if I wanted my clothes washed they needed to find their way to the laundry room. Later she taught me how to use the machines. If I wanted the over priced jeans she gave me the amount she was willing to spend and I came up with the difference.
She packed my lunch with care and creativity. Birthdays were always a big deal and she would always have you pick the menu since it was your day.

My first year of University costs were split in 1/2 and after that I saved 1/2 of every pay cheque to pay for every year that followed.
For a number of years she was also my employer, if I called in sick I better be dying and she was hard core with my staff evaluations.
When I told her I wanted to change my major in university and stay in child care she sat me down in her office and gave me all the pros and cons so I could make an informed decision.

In January 2003 I miscarried my 1st pregnancy at 12 weeks. Jay and I hadn't planned the baby but we were both heart broken. After that everything in me changed and all I wanted was another chance. At the hospital they said go home and try again.

Mother's Day that year I told my mom how all I wanted was to have a child as we walked around a greenhouse. Jay and I were not married, and my mom is pretty conservative so when she said well have a baby I was shocked.

Brodie was born 9 months later.

My mom was with us during both of the boys births and Jay let her cut the cord both times.

My mom came over and helped me bath Brodie for the first time. When my mom looked after Brodie she also cleaned which was such an amazing gift. She also dropped off groceries during my mat leave.

My mom doesn't cook anymore, she couldn't remember how to brew coffee the last time I dropped by. I often cannot follow parts our phone conversations because words are jumbled and content doesn't flow. I struggle with calling and visiting because it breaks my heart. I have so much guilt because I said I would do more and I don't know how too without falling to pieces, afterwards.

My Dad and brother don't blame me, we are all struggling, including my mom who knows she is loosing herself, day by day.

The reality is none of us saw Alzheimer's coming.

I am truly grateful for the strength my dad and Shayne are providing, during a time that I don't know how.

I can take all the life lessons she has given me and pay it forward to my sons.

Happy Mother's Day Mama
Xo kristen heather

Take my hand and I will follow

It is so quiet here in the winter. I have reminded Brodie a few times that the "animals" lived here first... Jay and I listened to something snorting in the dark this summer while we were hanging out on the deck.... which turned out to be deer. Frogs stick to the windows in the summer because bugs are attracted to the light coming from inside. Jay walked out onto the deck and a frog ended up inside another night. A bear took trash off the front steps and raccoons drag trash out of the truck....
I love seeing the deer standing in our driveway, the cows and the 1 horse that live at the end of the street.
What I didn't enjoy was waking in the middle of the night to the sounds of children at the beach........ I thought I was dreaming of children at the beach but then Meadow woke us.... Jay was talking about coyotes.... could I see them? I couldn't see anything, I didn't even want to think about it never mind see them....but why do I hear children Jay? That's what they sound like... I checked it out today on YouTube how creepy.

Today the boys and I were walking around and we found all sorts of tracks in the snow. Let us know if you can identify any of them.

This is one of the deer paths we follow, they always walk in
line through deep snow.

These ones are weird they are spaced apart larger than an adult foot step

Looks like many came from different directions

We are reminded often these days about the impact of our carbon footprint, today I encourage you to look at the path you are traveling, will you leave a mark? Will others follow in your footsteps? When is the last time you stopped and looked around? I believe it's never too late to change direction.

kristen heather

Feel good things for me......

I think we all have stuff that makes us feel good, here are a few things that make my life calmer or happier or just feel good.....

1. Straws.....I like to drink through straws, its calming. After our car accident I was constantly thirsty, I tend to drive with ice water even in -25 weather.

2. We are a blanket family, although it drives me crazy when the boys drag their blankets off the beds through the house. Jay is right when he says I created the blanket monsters.

Jay hates when I gush over him so when I blog it he cannot even read it....but I knew he truly loved me when he had a dream about this blanket that I always napped with. (It had been my Grandmas and it was falling apart but I still loved it.) In the dream he had to save the blanket. The crazy thing is I still have it, its not usable anymore but I have not been able to part with it.....I do have plans to use pieces of it in a blanket that will one day be sewed out of the boys baby clothes.

3. I love my phone, it is sadly my good friend that I feel lost without. I have no idea how women parented without cell phones.....what did the school do when you were out of the house.....maybe that's why there were school nurses?? I am an iPhone lover/owner. Even though auto-correct and siri has called me all sorts of names.... The APP I use the most is overdrive that allows you to down load books for free from the library. I have been addicted to audio books forever and now I just need WiFi to load my phone, to keep me company during my commute

4. After reading a post from Pretty Organized about using your special keepsake treasures, rather than hiding them for a special occasions. I pulled out this sugar bowl, that belonged to my sweet neighbor Nan. When she moved, it was gifted to me. Not only did it belong to Nan it is also the pattern my Grandma collected so it is a wonderful reminder each day of 2 amazing women. 
I asked my brother if he recognized the pattern the last time he was here and he did.

5. Before Christmas Brodie was asking lots of questions about the Bible so I went in search of a book for him. We end each day reading a one page daily devotion, that is age appropriate, real life examples that are supported by God's word. I may not be 8 but I love the lessons and reminders it providing both of us.

6. Here is another Grandma Jessie thing... I'm not sure why but ever since she passed away I always think of her when I find pennies.
After our car accident I was finding pennies everywhere. I realized awhile back that Brodie talks about her like he knows her... But they never met.

In the last 7 years I have learned so much about how and why children need to regulate themselves. You will instinctively find what calms you. Children do it all the time in a world that keeps telling them to sit still and keep their hands to themselves. Without regulation there is no focus if you are 4 or 44.
I just started to learn about mindfulness, which uses your breathing as a focal point I had to laugh its the one thing that you won't forget at home or leave in your other bag. It doesn't cost you money and no one is ever going to tell you to stop.

kristen heather

The Plan

The plan was for me to start back to work tomorrow..... January 2, 2013, half days every second day to start..........because the return to work plan was not completed my doctor has told me to wait....

The plan was to buy a new car....... but my dislike to the idea of a car payments, Jay and his dad will fix my Toyota.

The plan was my mom would start a new medication with a gradual scheduled increase so she could function day to day........since December we have had a many days that she does not recognize my dad as her husband.

The plan was to always be strong and not scared of what lies ahead............my mom is sick and that has changed everything


The plan is to return to work when I am ready
The plan is to keep making good money decisions that make me comfortable


The plan is to follow my brothers lead and be strong, to educate ourselves about dementia and find people who have walked this road before us
The plan is to keep communicating and supporting each other
The plan is to love and remember its the disease, not my Mama
The plan is to find a way to grieve, to plan, to enjoy what time we have
The plan is to be as honest as possible with Brodie
The plan is to let people in
The plan is to Let go and Let God

kristen heather

This is the trolls house

Mama can we get a turtle?

Brodie told us this is called a monkey cup, they fill with water and the monkey drinks out of

 Jan 2/13: My Mom was reassessed yesterday with blood work they think she is having a negative reaction to her medication she has been on for a month..... Which could explain the month if craziness
new drug being tried keep your fingers crossed......
Jan 15/13 My mom is doing amazingly well...God is good

Elf on the Shelf 2012

I kept hearing about the Elf on the Shelf with the approaching month of December.... Then I was at Jaimi's house (one of my favourite people) I checked out their Elf and the story that came with it. I thought it was a sweet tradition. A few days later I had coffee with my friend Shannon and she was telling me that her family received an Elf last Christmas named Buddy and she was going to share his adventures on her blog Pretty Organized (You should take a peek at Buddy he is truly a naughty little fellow that made me laugh out loud on more than one occasion).

Brodie named our elf Stacy

.....back to our story we headed out for family pictures one Sunday afternoon and on our return there was a gift sitting on the front steps addressed to The Boys on Pleasant Road!! Well Brodie who is almost 9 didn't know what to think.... " Are we being stalked"? "Who sent it"? " Is it a nanny cam"? Oh no Korben touched it.....the book says kids can't touch it"! No worries, according to the Green Family cinnamon acts like a vitamin and restores the Elf's power so she can return each night to Santa to share
the adventures of the families day. (The Elf itself is the stalker).

Cinnamon!

And So the adventure began:

The view was nice from the top of the tree

Brodie went to feed Meadow and look what he found!

Stacy reminded us that our Santa letters had not been mailed

Stacy needed her own transportation after a few nights of  flying back and forth to Santa. She liked the tow truck so much, she used it for 2 nights until she regained her energy.

Stacy wanted to meet  the gecko Lizzy, but after the heat light was turned on, for the day, we decided to move her, so she didn't return to Santa with a suntan

One morning Stacy returned with a movie from the gas station for us to watch....maybe next time she can fill up our car

We think Stacy and Buddy must of crossed paths one night because she was very naughty on her return

Brodie discovered if you leave your clean laundry out Elves will make use of what they can find on a cold night

Santa's bathroom was occupied so Stacy read about Jesus's birth while she waited for her turn

Not everyone who met Stacy was comfortable with the idea...Brodie's friend Evan and Jay both thought the whole thing was kind of creepy. Evan made it very clear to his Mom he didn't want an elf wandering their home while they slept! The elves seemed to respect his request and one never showed up on their door step, as far as I know.

The morning of Christmas eve we found Stacy with our wipe off board holding a red marker, she explained it was her last day and Santa would be picking her up when he delivered the gifts that night. She told the boys to be kind to each other and to listen to their parents and to enjoy the spirit of Christmas. Brodie was sad disappointed to see her go, and told her he hoped she could return to us next year. On Christmas morning she left another note:

There is so much fun you can have when you choose to believe in the unbelievable. As we say goodbye to 2012, I am praying for the miracle Grandma Brenda so desperately needs, that our family NEEDS. I believe miracles do happen! If you believe please pray for my mom

                     kristen heather

When I write I always have a starting point but the direction it takes and the clarity it provides me is often surprising, I know that is why I have been motivated to write since jr high. It took me a long time to share the blog. 

What I thought the blog would be has evolved through time. And what it gives me is more than I could of wished for.

Everyone who reads it will not get it or understand it, and that is hard at times when those that struggle the most with it are the ones I am the closest to.....but for those of you that do get it I welcome you to this journey

Happy New Year

       

Christmas Now & Then

A small collection of the last few years of our Christmas letters, It amazes me to read my own messages, that are like a soft tap on my shoulder reminding me of the words I need to hear today. God is good  
Wishing you and yours the best in 2013

xo    kristen heather

Christmas 2012

Greetings once again, can you believe this is the 8^th year I have written a Christmas letter?! I hope you enjoy receiving it as much as I enjoy writing it.

With facebook, my blog (kayefiles.blogspot.ca), texting and email, I hope I can find something to share that you have not already read somewhere along the way.

Korben is now 3 and he is very active and very happy. (I am no longer calling him Mr. Naughty because I do believe you bring about what you think about).

Korben has really bloomed in the last 3 months, he has a great imagination, and he is fearless and sweet. I coughed the other day and he replied “bless you”.

Jason is working at Johnson Controls; he had the opportunity to take a course in Oklahoma this fall; which was a new experience for us all. It is easy to take for granted the difference between having 2 adults under the same roof.

Brodie will be 9 in February, his teacher describes him as “a mini encyclopedia, he knows so much, about so many things”…just like his Daddy and both Grandpas. Brodie played his second year of football for the Transcona Nationals. He experienced the excitement of touchdowns this year; which taught him that trying different things does have its rewards. Brodie as you know is also a sensitive soul, like his Mama, all of us have been learning the strengths and weaknesses in this trait, and we are hoping the New Year will bring a smoother road for all of us.

As for myself, there have been challenges since October when the first of our three car accidents occurred. Jay and I are both scheduled to start the return to work process in the New Year.  If you follow my blog, you will know that I always try to find the positive & the life lessons God has placed before me. Unfortunately for Jay, he has to live through the processing period of all my realizations. I do love what he can bring to the table; even though we view the world from different perspectives. Out of this I am hoping for balance for our boys, in a world that is often a scary place.

These are the lessons I have learned this year: Be strong and faithful. Be true to yourself & the ones you love. Remember God has a plan. Tell the truth, Say sorry. Ask for help when you need it, say thank you for the small things. Always remember things can change in a blink of an eye. Count your blessings and hug your Mama

Kristen, Jay, Brodie & Korben  xoxoxo

From Our House to Yours in 2011

          It is hard to believe that Christmas is only 9 days away and we hardly have any snow on the ground.

We have had a very busy year; Jay finished school in February and is officially a Journeyman…its hard to believe he started this journey right after Brodie was born. Jay is truly brilliant in all areas that interest him.

Brodie is in grade 2 and had the most amazing 3 way conferences at school this month. Mme Monica praised him for his helpful nature and great manners. Brodie is reading more and more and showing such confidence and interest, his math skills are above grade level. Watching your child grow academically amazes me as much as seeing their first step.

Brodie joined the Transcona National Football team this summer and was presented the “Sniper Award”.

Now for our Mr. Naughty A.K.A. Korben he is officially 2, he LOVES cars and trains, Jays snowmobile, & the riding lawnmower……you get the idea. Korben is potty training, talking lots and still using baby sign when he really wants something. When Korben sees Christmas lights he says “Nice” and has tried several times to bite an apple tree ornament. His day care reported that he also likes to throw the round ornaments off their tree……Brodie told me “ It’s ok Mama he is just learning”.

As for me I’m adjusting to the idea of turning 40 next month……not that I feel any different but it somehow sounds different…..I must be grown up. To be honest I feel great, I have finally adjusted to “Country life” and I am seeing more and more the benefits for all of us. Brodie and I just finished the 1^st Harry Potter book and in the end there is a discussion about how powerful Harry’s Mother’s love was that it left its own mark on him. “Not a scar, no visible sign…to have been loved so deeply, even though the person who loved us is gone, will give us protection forever; it is in your very skin”….. I feel the same way about Jay and the boys; they have left their mark on me, my parents, my in-laws, my brother and his amazing family….my friends God has truly blessed me. Proverbs 23:7 “As a man thinks in his heart, so does he become” May you know in your heart the greatness that God sees in you.

Merry Christmas Love, Kristen, Jason, Brodie, Korben & Meadow  xoxo

1st Year Trick or Treating

We Wish You a Merry Christmas 2010

Greetings to you from our little house in the woods……it has been a very busy month and a half  adjusting to the end of my mat leave, coordinating 2 children and ourselves and all the places we need to get to each morning…..the drive is still long but coming home is worth it.

Brodie is enjoying grade 1 at Ecole Dugald. He proudly passed his yellow belt in Tae Kwon Do; Brodie’s class is twice a week at Anola School. It’s hard to believe Brodie will be turning 7 in February. He is still very loving towards the “baby brother” even though Korben wants to touch and explore all of Brodie’s favorite things.

Korben had his 1^st birthday October 30; he is crawling, walking, and climbing. Jay calls him “Mr.” I call him “Mr. Naughty”. He is adjusting to full time childcare, we are blessed to have a spot at the same centre Brodie attending as an infant, he is very well cared for and he is having lots of fun. They also take good care of me on the mornings Korben does not want me to leave.

Jason starts his last level in Refrigeration at Red River January 4^th for 7 weeks; he will be a journeyman on completion.

For myself I am enjoying the many gifts God has given us, the biggest one being each other. Jay reminds me to focus on the good stuff and let go of the little stuff……like our house ever staying clean or having all the laundry done…… There have been many life lessons in the last year, I worried how a family of 3 would adjust to 4 and it happened more naturally than becoming parents the first time around……. Siblings that are 5 years apart can still play, laugh and love………….Part of being a parent is to have a voice when they don’t …………Ask for clarification when you are not sure what someone is trying to say……….Use what you know and do something good with it…….love each other….love yourself…..be grateful

Here is to a Happy New Year that we hope will be full of all the things you need & love

          Kristen, Jason, Brodie, Korben & Meadow

                                                                   XOXO

Grade 1

1st Fall xoxo

Merry Christmas 2009   

After becoming a mother or in our house…… a “Mama” I started to write a Christmas letter each year to share a little of our lives……last year I took a break since we were still unpacking boxes in our new home, Anola has been a blessing and  a learning curve… I do miss having family 15 minutes away or being able to run out for errands without packing a bag or at least snacks for Brodie and I. Jay has loved it from day one.. riding lawnmowers, snowmobiling right from the front door…. Our home has a peace and beauty that I didn’t feel in the city.

Korben entered into the world quickly on October 30, we arrived at Women’s Hospital at 9:30 am and he was born at 10:15 am. Brodie suspected the pregnancy early asking if I had a baby in my tummy since I looked a little swollen, we confirmed his guess about a baby at Easter and he didn’t say much at first, and then later suggested that maybe I just ate a little too much.

Korben takes after Jay he is mellow and happy, in 7 weeks I have had a handful of full night sleeps, with any luck Santa will bring me a few more.

 Brodie has entered into the world of team sports, video games and school. He told me that when dad drives him to school he feels like a big boy because he doesn’t walk him in, I realize he wants to be treated as a big boy.

Brodie loves to hold Korben and kiss him, if Korben cries in the car Brodie will start to sing to him. It amazes me that a 5 year old can calm a baby with his genuine love and devotion.

My Mom often says that Brodie has an old soul, he noticed this year people sleeping  in front of building while driving through downtown, and the line up in front of Siloam Mission, he was very concerned that these people would have no place to go, and what if that happened to us…..I explained that we are blessed to have family and friends that I know would help us if we ever needed…..its nice to know in my heart that is true, Jay and I come from small families but they have always supported us in soooooo many ways, with the kids, the house and in moments of pure chaos.

 When school started Brodie drew me a picture and said “I am showing you empathy”, I asked “what does that mean”?  He replied “to put yourself in someone else’s shoes….to show you understand”. A few weeks ago he drew the first picture for Daddy.

Brodie will tell you he came from heaven and WE became a family when he was born; and now Korben has completed it.

Wishing you and your family all the best this Christmas, Love Kristen, Jay, Brodie & Korben

XO XO

First Day of Kindergarden

Oh how my family has grown!