What you have given me

Growing up my mom did it all, she was a mother, a wife, a professional.
Weekends I remember music playing and she cleaned and washed clothes. Sundays she ironed and made Sunday dinner that included a dessert.

I don't remember her looking overwhelmed or worrying about a mile long to do list. The house was always tidy.
As I got older if I wanted my clothes washed they needed to find their way to the laundry room. Later she taught me how to use the machines. If I wanted the over priced jeans she gave me the amount she was willing to spend and I came up with the difference.
She packed my lunch with care and creativity. Birthdays were always a big deal and she would always have you pick the menu since it was your day.

My first year of University costs were split in 1/2 and after that I saved 1/2 of every pay cheque to pay for every year that followed.
For a number of years she was also my employer, if I called in sick I better be dying and she was hard core with my staff evaluations.
When I told her I wanted to change my major in university and stay in child care she sat me down in her office and gave me all the pros and cons so I could make an informed decision.

In January 2003 I miscarried my 1st pregnancy at 12 weeks. Jay and I hadn't planned the baby but we were both heart broken. After that everything in me changed and all I wanted was another chance. At the hospital they said go home and try again.

Mother's Day that year I told my mom how all I wanted was to have a child as we walked around a greenhouse. Jay and I were not married, and my mom is pretty conservative so when she said well have a baby I was shocked.

Brodie was born 9 months later.

My mom was with us during both of the boys births and Jay let her cut the cord both times.

My mom came over and helped me bath Brodie for the first time. When my mom looked after Brodie she also cleaned which was such an amazing gift. She also dropped off groceries during my mat leave.

My mom doesn't cook anymore, she couldn't remember how to brew coffee the last time I dropped by. I often cannot follow parts our phone conversations because words are jumbled and content doesn't flow. I struggle with calling and visiting because it breaks my heart. I have so much guilt because I said I would do more and I don't know how too without falling to pieces, afterwards.

My Dad and brother don't blame me, we are all struggling, including my mom who knows she is loosing herself, day by day.

The reality is none of us saw Alzheimer's coming.

I am truly grateful for the strength my dad and Shayne are providing, during a time that I don't know how.

I can take all the life lessons she has given me and pay it forward to my sons.

Happy Mother's Day Mama
Xo kristen heather