The end of April marked 1/2 a year since the first car accident, with the boys. It took almost 6 months to feel the emotional fog lift. If I tried to describe it, I felt like I was wrapped in tight plastic, with little space to move, and no way out.
I had wished I could go back to the way it was before. My doctor said that is a common thing she hears but in reality life was not completely perfect before October.
I had wished I could go back to the way it was before. My doctor said that is a common thing she hears but in reality life was not completely perfect before October.
I still don't understand why there was such a huge emotional impact from this experience, we all walked away from the car.... Professionals keep saying its trauma and it takes time. There are so many people who have shared past experiences of car accidents, from years and years ago but the memory of the fear seems to be very clear in their minds.
I'm also learning to think about "thinking" and let go of the "should of" "could of" mindsets.
My sensory systems are better, I watch tv again, can read more than a paragraph of a book.
I no longer need meds to sleep.
My mind has slowed down and I can process one thing at a time..most days. I still avoid tasks I don't enjoy but maybe that is procrastination or a little self care.
I'm still experience pain and staying in the same position for long periods of time is difficult.
I'm ok with answering the question " How are you?"
I started to say yes to activities I was avoiding.
I also started to say no to treatment that I didn't feel supported me as a whole, (doing that for myself was a turning point)
My anxiety is better, my heart still drops at car accidents, emergency vehicles, black tire marks on the highway, but I know all stories don't have bad endings.
God has proven that as one door closes another one opens, just trust him.
xo kristen heather
10 months later....
I was at the doctor this week, I had to smile as I walked out after being told I don't need to return for 3 months! My full time return to work will start in September.
With a little push from my bestie I started to see an athletic therapist who practices Osteopathy:
"A strong focus of the Canadian College of Osteopathy is its emphasis on Clinical Methodology."
"Through extensive training and experience the Osteopathic Manual Practitioner understands that the site of the patient's complaints may not correspond to the site of the cause, or causes, of these complaints. In addition, many people have had multiple overlapping injuries and conditions. In response to these common conditions, the Osteopathic Manual Practitioner assesses and treats the whole patient. The Osteopathic Manual Practitioner considers the whole patient, recognizing that each has mental and emotional conditions as well as physical."
Although one of the stranger experiences I have had in my 41 years I am seeing results after a total of 6 motor vehicle accidents since 2000.
I have also learned to accept that life keeps going with the good the bad and the ugly....my original wish to just go back to how it was before, I can now see all the life lessons I would of missed, on top of all the gains I've made medically and emotionally.
When I first returned to work there was a push for me to complete some mandatory training that all levels of government take.... I pushed it off stating there was no way I could sit for a whole day, I took the training last week which included an afternoon focused on trauma.... Which screams to me some people really don't get it, the push to take the course in January was based on a to do list, with no consideration of the trauma I just went through. Car accidents are one of the main factors listed. (On my return I had to explain that my accident had impacted me on more than a physical level..... when placed in a situation where my children could of died, I was still healing on many levels).
The acute episodic trauma list also included the death or serious illness of a parent, my dad goes for surgery tomorrow for basel carcinoma. ( People wonder how my boys stay so pale in the summer I dip them in sunscreen).
My moms Alzheimer's is progressing quickly. My heart broke when she refused to come with my brother to Brodie's football game last week because she was waiting for her mother to pick her up...my grandma been gone for more than 15 years.
So during my training when I read " perceive responses to trauma as normal responses to abnormal situations I got it.
I'm thankful that I can stand stronger today despite the fact that life does keep going even when we want it to slow down or stop. Buckle your seat belt, put on your sunscreen, trust God and the people you have chosen to walk this journey with.
kristen heather
