I find this a challenging place to be, my mind seems to run faster than my legs have ever taken me (and if you grew up with me you would know I am pretty dam fast on my feet).
After our car accident at the end of October there has been lots of questions from within, from others, officially and unofficially.
I can retell it a 100 times but unless you where buckled in to our Toyota that morning the impact is hard to verbalize and has taken time to process physically and emotionally.
I will share a little of it, things you may or may not know......the impact of what "could of" happened hit me eight hours later when I was carrying Korben from the rental car into the house, he was half asleep nuzzled into my neck...."oh my God I could of killed you" Truly I knew within seconds that I needed to reword that phrase but I felt it.
Autopac told me " I don't care what you say I've heard it all, you were the only driver its a 100% your fault " Weather conditions, crappy highways have no place in this story.
The Toyota rep said based on the report the car "should of" been destroyed.
I had no memory where on the highway the accident occurred , I thought it was closer to our street, until Jay told me. When I asked how he knew he said you can see it, the tire marks on the opposite side of the highway, through the gravel......the pole, Brodie and I both thought we were going to hit.
So based on the distance we were from our street, and that fact I felt no resistance of ice on the highway we would of been travelling at 100 km.
We spun twice around completely and then I saw a white light as we missed the pole. Yikes! White Light....but it didn't feel like that it was more like a sign that we were not alone..and I remember thinking this is going to really hurt, this is going to be really bad as we flew off the road into the ditch, and it was as if the car was just placed down gently. God was truly there, catching us as we fell.
I stopped at the side of the highway a few weeks after and just looked at the pole, at the tire marks, at the ditch; that was no longer filled with water, it was completely empty, no cushion for a car full of small precious gifts. I thanked God for protecting us, I thanked God for the stranger that turned back on his travels to work, stopped and helped after a dozen cars passed us by. He put on his boots and pulled my boys out, and drove us home.
Why did I revisit the spot...we pass it 2-4 times daily, its the only route to the life we have beyond our home. I needed to process it in my mind so, my heart can let it go and just hold on to the gratitude for all that has come from this experience.
I had the chance to talk to the stranger a few days ago and thank him, all I knew was he worked at the building store in town, I had no name.....I thought he owned a black car, but told me its white....its amazing how the simple details of a car or the location of where it took place is not apart of my memory. My heart has done its best let go of the fear to focus on the reality of where we stand today.
I would like to thank all of my friends, family and strangers that have held our hands and pulled us out of that ditch.
kristen heather
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